Tales of a Sisterhood, Part 1
Aug 14, 2024
Topic: Identifying signs of autism spectrum disorder at a young age, how dedicated I am to being right, and my mother’s favorite band. Also, Ted Bundy.
To set the stage: I am ten years old and my sister is fourteen, and it is either spring or summer in the year of Our Keanu, 1989. We were latchkey kids, so we were often left home alone while our parents worked.
Since this was the olden times of the 1980’s, we didn’t have the internet to entertain us. We mostly relied on going outside, watching television, and reading. And if you were my sister, you spent a lot of time on the telephone—but not too much, because we didn’t have call-waiting on the landline, and you never knew when mom would call to check or dad would call to make sure we’d done our chores.
Growing up with our dad, we didn’t get much time for vegging on the couch in front of the television. Dad was famous for “Up and Out” when we weren’t at school. Which meant we were woken up at 7am and told to go outside and play in the yard. And never ever say you’re bored, or he’d find something for you to do. Because of this rare opportunity, I would completely hyperfocus on the television whenever I had the chance. Lately, I had been following all of the news and talk shows that were revisiting the murders committed by Ted Bundy, who had recently been executed.
My obsession with the shows about Ted Bundy had more to do with the reports of cannibalism. Not in a weird way that led people to believe that I would grow up to be a serial killer, but in the way that I’ve been obsessed with sharks (did you know the longest a great white has survived in captivity is 198 days??). Or trying to see inside the TV by finding the right viewing position. I’m 45 years old, and I still haven’t figured that out. Or the formula used for creating boy bands. Don’t ask about that.
Anyway, I was regaling my older, disinterested sister with facts about Ted Bundy and stated with all of the confidence you see today that Ted Bundy was a CANNIBAL! Now, modern rabbit holes are far more substantial, and I have since learned that this claim has not been substantiated. But at the time, I was excited to info dump on the one person who had no choice but to listen to me.
My sister, a good student and mostly well-behaved, was highly annoyed by this revelation and said she didn’t know what a cannibal was, so I gleefully told her that a cannibal was someone who ate people. Disgusted, she called me stupid and immature and loudly proclaimed that that’s not what a cannibal is.
Holding up a cassette tape and reading the cover, I retorted “OH YEAH!?”
I read the title of the album,with all of the know-it-allness of an average 8 year old child, “‘Fine Young Cannibals: THE RAW AND THE COOKED’—WHAT DID YOU THINK IT MEANT!?”
For reasons I still don’t entirely understand, she became infuriated.
“I’m telling MOM!” she cried, with all of the drama that is particular to fourteen years old, complete with storming off to her room and slamming the bedroom door.
I was began begging for my life. I didn’t understand why she was SO MAD. I began apologizing, even though I knew apologies mean nothing without changed behavior. Even at that age, I knew two things. One, that thing about apologies. And two: I was never changing that behavior.
As soon as our parents came home, she told our mom. Mother. Sweet mother, the mama, owner of the cassette tape featuring the beautiful faces of Roland Gift and friends, dissolved into laughter and confirmed that cannibals are people (or animals) that consume other people (or animals) of the same species.
My sister, unamused, never engaged with me in a conversation about Ted Bundy, cannibalism, or English pop rock– ever again.
Oh, good thing, where have you gone? (do do do-do-do)
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